Been a good few days. Dexamethasone, my wonder steroid, has got my symptoms under control again so I can speak and type not too badly (and I've got plenty of time to edit!) It is also responsible for waking me up around 3am each morning full of the joys and desperate to write! Mike says it's a bit like someone poking my creative right side brain with a sharp stick . . .
Much of what I'm writing is poetry that's either for particular people, or isn't quite right to share at this point. I thougt I'd like to share this one though. It is specifically about us, but I thought it might just have wider relevance too . . .
Radio therapy starts today. Anything could happen! We'll keep you posted. Much love everyone.
My wise friend tells me
It takes a whole family
To manage a grief.
You don’t come to the table because you want to,
But because you have no choice.
This is your table, and you are welcome.
Once you are here
Just stand where you find yourself,
And offer what you have to hold,
And look neither to the right nor to the left
You can put your gift down now.
It’s very important not to rank it, compare it, hide it or
Waste time judging it.
Believe me, there is no time to waste.
What have you brought to the table today?
If you have brought Trust, put her down.
Don’t worry about Anger across the table.
She will take the space she craves.
Faith? We need her.
Someone else will bring the Fear we also need.
Confusion? Plenty of scope for her here.
Don’t let Clarity try to sweep her under the carpet, will you?
Pain demands to kick and scream.
Patience can wait for her for as long as it takes.
Denial is hard to let go of, but we will all
Be the poorer for pretending she’s not here.
Perhaps you won’t even know what you’ve brought, or how to name her.
Just lay it all down.
You and your gifts are all welcome.
Keep your eye trained on your gift
And the one for whom you offer it.
She sits in the midst of you
And she needs you as never before.
And when you’re ready
And you sense you’re all ready
You’ll find the cloth that covers the table is a parachute.
Bright and vibrant
A place for you held safe between the others.
Now grasp the silk.
Raise it high
And let your gifts pour
On the one who needs you as never before.
Let your strength lift her
So she will not catch her foot against a stone.
Bring her safe landing.
As you bear her up on wings like eagles.
And know her joy
As you watch her soar and fly.
5th October 2015